Category: Uncategorized

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7 of the Best Weird Book Titles

This past week I was looking at weird book titles and here are seven of the best I found. At times they are just strange and you question what they are about, or if there was a misprint. Others you just sit down and wonder how life got so strange.

1.

Can you imagine getting the okay to take on the top position (earthly) of the Roman Catholic church and what do you get handed to you. This handy guide from Piers Marchant. Maybe he has experience, or just thought it would be a helpful asset. I’m unsure just how many copies you would need in the print run though.

2.

I keep this one on the shelf in case the need arises. I imagine it would be a terrifically morbid Christmas gift.

3.

A definite niche market and the mind boggles at the moves you have to perform with this kind of combination. I guess it’s good for the mind, body, soul and sex life.

4.

One of those necessary documents for the armed feline in today’s society. I hope you too have taken your pet through those unlikely but traumatic events that can happen in life. Remember gun safety is important whether you have fur or skin.

5.

Cook books are often maligned but one cannot escape the benefits of this form of cuisine. I’m not entirely sold on the research behind this but as a summer BBQ alternative then maybe it has a following.

6.

Preplanning is always an important side of life but I haven’t quite gotten to this stage. While many of us may be in debate about whether there is or isn’t something beyond, this book explains how to have a good time when you’re there. How do they know?

7.

No humourous comment, no swipe at anything just a plain, WHAT? Did someone actually think this was something that needed looked into? We need to be green, let’s look at the Nazis. Just beggars belief.

There you go, some weird, some strange and some that, well, just no! Hopefully my titles are better, check them out at grjordan.com/shop.

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Is Everything Better with a Mythological Beast! Why yes!

My wife was recently reading the tales of Greek mythology to our children and as we talked about the wonder the kids had over some of the stories, I desperately tried to remember the names of the various heroes and heroines. I also tried to bring to mind the origin tales of the mythical beasts that are a core part to these stories. Generally I failed but in my defence I have too many mythologies in my head and too many creatures of various shapes and sizes – one of the dangers of being an urban fantasy writer.

It seems that in our mythologies there are always creatures that are built on, but have surpassed, those that inhabit our planet. Why have simply a horse when you can stick a pair of wings on it and let it fly through the sky. Why have whales or sharks when you can have a creature that has tentacles to smash ships and drag them to the deep. We seem to need to that difference, that strangeness.

As a writer of fantasy I have to confess to making my own beasts up and delving into the mythologies of the cultures of the world for my next great beast. Indeed, HP Lovecraft decided that this earth’s horrors were not enough and those from a foreign planet were required. Tolkien wasn’t content with elephants and produced his oliphaunts. We thrive on the unusual and superlative.

But I have found one thing to be true in my reading and writing of fantasy. All the wonder of these beasts and their vivid and incredible backgrounds only ever highlight the one creature that is imminently more complex and interesting than these giants of fantasy – ourselves. Humans, or their derivatives (dwarves, elves, halflings, and more recently vampires and werewolves), are the truly strange creatures with their shades of emotion and actions, some dark, some heroic and some just foolish. But to highlight this complexity of character, we writers have to place alongside them that which is beyond the norm we are used to.

So, is everything better with a mythological beast? Well as far as fantasy writing goes, yes, absolutely but only to highlight that most complex and strange creature we call a human.

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Winter Flying!


Where’s your local airport? Mine’s down the road, a few miles away and played, and still does play, an important part in my life. Living on an island, flying is the quickest method to get elsewhere but it comes with its own little quirks, especially when you throw in island weather. It can be like mainland weather, just bigger!

For the uninitiated, planes like to land and take off into wind. Especially if it’s a strong wind. So on the island that means generally. Very generally. So far so good as we have 4 runways to point down. So one of them usually fits. Except at night when two of them usually don’t have lights. Hmm…

Then we add snow or hail. So it’s hard to see and the runway gets slippery. And if the runway isn’t the one we really want then there’s a crosswind. This means the plane approaches the runway in a side on fashion, “crabbing in”. 

So why tell you this? Well I’m in the air as I write this and these are just some of the factors facing me. Or rather, the pilots. They haven’t seen fit to let me have a go yet. Probably wise.

Producing books is similar. There’s a simple sounding template to begin with but then you add the “elements” and it becomes more fun! So they say. I’m still looking for the summer flying bookwise. I often make great plans to then get buffeted off my approach to land and book final production. However, next year I’m realigning my “flying technique” in order to make more “landings” and in a more controlled fashion.

Aircraft landings are called controlled crashes and I reckon book production is that to, a controlled maelstrom of activity and work. Still, practice makes perfect.

Anyway, wish me luck, runway approaching!
P.S. We made it! Only one way to celebrate. Coffee time!

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Has Electronic Life wiped out Books?


I recently read an article about Jacqueline Wilson (link) and amongst the views attributed to her was that she believed that “Electronic life has wiped out books.” This seems like a strong statement but what is the truth behind it? According to the Washington Post (link) there has been over a 16% decline in adults who read at least one literary work per year from 1982 to 2015 from just under 57% to 43.1%. I find that quite shocking as the percentage in 1982 already seems low. 
Apparently there are more things to amuse us nowadays. With our smartphones we can surf the web or read our emails, play games or watch more television programs. I am a fan of television series and do watch a number of films and programs a week but one important thing I find with the cinematic art form is that while it may exercise your brain with issues brought to the fore, it doesn’t drive your imagination.

Surely imagination is the well spring for creativity. Without imagination our whole society would struggle to function. How would we develop, how would we grow without that capacity to think what would be and then working out how to get there? And surely books are the playground for that creativity.


I’m not saying that books are the only playground for any of the creative arts will do that. Sculpture, basket weaving, drama, embroidery, painting, etc.. are all pastimes that will drive the imagination. But when we simply hover over what I would call static detail, that which is fixed and cannot be changed, then our imagination will die.

I don’t think Jacqueline Wilson is totally right, well, not yet. But she certainly has hit the nail on the head with how things are heading.

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What’s your Favourite Book Den?

You love reading but you need to find that place where you can be surrounded by books, where you know you are in the book zone, the go away and leave me zone, the no disturbance zone, the promise of more books zone (and if you’re me the joy of having coffee on tap as well zone!). Let me wet your appetite with a few quality choices.

Sleeping bag at the ready and cosied up amongst all your books. Walls of books but I ain’t so sure about the light in there.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 7/10

 

A classy look and feel with the rug compensating for the cool wooden floor. Some good natural daylight to read with and a blazing fire to sit in front of – although that looks like a fake! And how do you reach those books at the top, I’d need Indy with his lassoe.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 6/10

Well the colours aren’t the greatest but there is a ladder here to get to the high books. Also a secret compartment which to hide those nefarious books (Necronomicon perhaps?). TV in case you want to compare the movie with the book. However not overly cosyand a bit dull really.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 7/10

Slanty! I really love this piece of furniture, funky and unusual but to be honest whats with these wooden floors. Cold, cold, cold. And that seat’s a bit bland to sit at, no recline option I think!

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 5/10

Yes, it’s /a library but it’s a blooming nice one. Love that staircase and the lounging chairs on the left. Definitely a place of quiet and relaxation but I wonder what their coffee rules are? And if you nod off and snore?

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 7/10

Bit of a couples corner and I don’t mean you and a book. Maybe depends on your partner, if they read or not. And those blasted wooden floors again.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 6/10

Now we’re talking. Who cares what else is there and I might even sacrifice the coffee for a cool beer! Unfortunately I live in the Hebrides so this is a total pipe dream. But it’s a sweet dream.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 9/10

So what tickles your fancy here. Let me know by commenting below. And happy reading wherever you are!

G R Jordan, the Carpetlessleprechaun

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Genre or not to Genre?

Do you read a specific genre? If so, why? Why do we limit ourselves by looking only for books within a certain style, storyline or feel? I came to think about this because my novels tend to move across genres. Take “Crescendo!”, the first in my Austerley & Kirkgordon series. It has certain Lovecraftian throwbacks to it, so obviously it’s horror. But hang, it is set in the real world with a number of fantastical creatures and happenings in it. Ah, I hear you cry, its Urban Fantasy. Well, yes, but… It also has plenty of action and adventure in it too. And also investigators who have been described as old fashioned cop show buddies in that they can’t stand the sight of each other.

It’s hard boxing things in in real life too. Working in the emergency services, you have standard protocols and procedures but everyone will tell you there is no standard job. And in life there are no standard people. Variety and complexity is what makes life the vibrant maelstrom it is. And thank goodness, otherwise we would be board senseless by it.

Romance? Well maybe, but also fantasy and adventure

When I was writing “Surface Tensions” I was fortunate enough to have a group fund a developmental review of it. On its return to me, I was informed that it needed a serious plot change as the romance genre required a certain path to be followed. But surely the reader would see this coming? Do we really want to have the same things replayed to us. I understand seeking the same feel. I love Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series but I wouldn’t ever accuse him of simply replaying the same story even if his initial devices were similar in their instrumentation.

Terry Prachett – never simply repeating

Maybe I’m just too eclectic. I’d rather take stories in all shapes and sizes. Some I may like, some maybe not, but at least I won’t be bored into a rut. Let us all be eclectic and to the blazes with genre!