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7 of the Best Weird Book Titles

This past week I was looking at weird book titles and here are seven of the best I found. At times they are just strange and you question what they are about, or if there was a misprint. Others you just sit down and wonder how life got so strange.


Can you imagine getting the okay to take on the top position (earthly) of the Roman Catholic church and what do you get handed to you. This handy guide from Piers Marchant. Maybe he has experience, or just thought it would be a helpful asset. I’m unsure just how many copies you would need in the print run though.


I keep this one on the shelf in case the need arises. I imagine it would be a terrifically morbid Christmas gift.


A definite niche market and the mind boggles at the moves you have to perform with this kind of combination. I guess it’s good for the mind, body, soul and sex life.


One of those necessary documents for the armed feline in today’s society. I hope you too have taken your pet through those unlikely but traumatic events that can happen in life. Remember gun safety is important whether you have fur or skin.


Cook books are often maligned but one cannot escape the benefits of this form of cuisine. I’m not entirely sold on the research behind this but as a summer BBQ alternative then maybe it has a following.


Preplanning is always an important side of life but I haven’t quite gotten to this stage. While many of us may be in debate about whether there is or isn’t something beyond, this book explains how to have a good time when you’re there. How do they know?


No humourous comment, no swipe at anything just a plain, WHAT? Did someone actually think this was something that needed looked into? We need to be green, let’s look at the Nazis. Just beggars belief.

There you go, some weird, some strange and some that, well, just no! Hopefully my titles are better, check them out at

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Winter Flying!

Where’s your local airport? Mine’s down the road, a few miles away and played, and still does play, an important part in my life. Living on an island, flying is the quickest method to get elsewhere but it comes with its own little quirks, especially when you throw in island weather. It can be like mainland weather, just bigger!

For the uninitiated, planes like to land and take off into wind. Especially if it’s a strong wind. So on the island that means generally. Very generally. So far so good as we have 4 runways to point down. So one of them usually fits. Except at night when two of them usually don’t have lights. Hmm…

Then we add snow or hail. So it’s hard to see and the runway gets slippery. And if the runway isn’t the one we really want then there’s a crosswind. This means the plane approaches the runway in a side on fashion, “crabbing in”. 

So why tell you this? Well I’m in the air as I write this and these are just some of the factors facing me. Or rather, the pilots. They haven’t seen fit to let me have a go yet. Probably wise.

Producing books is similar. There’s a simple sounding template to begin with but then you add the “elements” and it becomes more fun! So they say. I’m still looking for the summer flying bookwise. I often make great plans to then get buffeted off my approach to land and book final production. However, next year I’m realigning my “flying technique” in order to make more “landings” and in a more controlled fashion.

Aircraft landings are called controlled crashes and I reckon book production is that to, a controlled maelstrom of activity and work. Still, practice makes perfect.

Anyway, wish me luck, runway approaching!
P.S. We made it! Only one way to celebrate. Coffee time!

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Has Electronic Life wiped out Books?

I recently read an article about Jacqueline Wilson (link) and amongst the views attributed to her was that she believed that “Electronic life has wiped out books.” This seems like a strong statement but what is the truth behind it? According to the Washington Post (link) there has been over a 16% decline in adults who read at least one literary work per year from 1982 to 2015 from just under 57% to 43.1%. I find that quite shocking as the percentage in 1982 already seems low. 
Apparently there are more things to amuse us nowadays. With our smartphones we can surf the web or read our emails, play games or watch more television programs. I am a fan of television series and do watch a number of films and programs a week but one important thing I find with the cinematic art form is that while it may exercise your brain with issues brought to the fore, it doesn’t drive your imagination.

Surely imagination is the well spring for creativity. Without imagination our whole society would struggle to function. How would we develop, how would we grow without that capacity to think what would be and then working out how to get there? And surely books are the playground for that creativity.

I’m not saying that books are the only playground for any of the creative arts will do that. Sculpture, basket weaving, drama, embroidery, painting, etc.. are all pastimes that will drive the imagination. But when we simply hover over what I would call static detail, that which is fixed and cannot be changed, then our imagination will die.

I don’t think Jacqueline Wilson is totally right, well, not yet. But she certainly has hit the nail on the head with how things are heading.

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What’s your Favourite Book Den?

You love reading but you need to find that place where you can be surrounded by books, where you know you are in the book zone, the go away and leave me zone, the no disturbance zone, the promise of more books zone (and if you’re me the joy of having coffee on tap as well zone!). Let me wet your appetite with a few quality choices.

Sleeping bag at the ready and cosied up amongst all your books. Walls of books but I ain’t so sure about the light in there.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 7/10


A classy look and feel with the rug compensating for the cool wooden floor. Some good natural daylight to read with and a blazing fire to sit in front of – although that looks like a fake! And how do you reach those books at the top, I’d need Indy with his lassoe.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 6/10

Well the colours aren’t the greatest but there is a ladder here to get to the high books. Also a secret compartment which to hide those nefarious books (Necronomicon perhaps?). TV in case you want to compare the movie with the book. However not overly cosyand a bit dull really.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 7/10

Slanty! I really love this piece of furniture, funky and unusual but to be honest whats with these wooden floors. Cold, cold, cold. And that seat’s a bit bland to sit at, no recline option I think!

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 5/10

Yes, it’s /a library but it’s a blooming nice one. Love that staircase and the lounging chairs on the left. Definitely a place of quiet and relaxation but I wonder what their coffee rules are? And if you nod off and snore?

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 7/10

Bit of a couples corner and I don’t mean you and a book. Maybe depends on your partner, if they read or not. And those blasted wooden floors again.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 6/10

Now we’re talking. Who cares what else is there and I might even sacrifice the coffee for a cool beer! Unfortunately I live in the Hebrides so this is a total pipe dream. But it’s a sweet dream.

Carpetlessleprechaun Rating: 9/10

So what tickles your fancy here. Let me know by commenting below. And happy reading wherever you are!

G R Jordan, the Carpetlessleprechaun

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How to relax

how to relax

Are you feeling like you are in a manic version of a game show, balancing all the pieces without letting them go crashing to the floor? It’s funny because many of us are facing that in life. My day job of being a Coastguard is at its busy season and I’m finding myself pretty tired when I find time to write. How to relax enough to concentrate on writing a book can be hard sometimes. Similarly, the sort of book we like to read to relax doesn’t always have the most relaxing storyline.

What sort of story relaxes you?

The contrast between how we like life to be and how we want our books to be can be stark. I’m often told my novels kick off at a sprint and pick up the pace after that. Messer’s Austerley and Kirkgordon are constantly on the move, battling unknown entities here and leaping through portals. It is strange how to relax we like to see others involved in physical exertion. Wimb ledon springs to mind, crowds sitting lapping up the sun with their hand-made fans while two gladiators battle it out, sweating profusely.

How to relax with dignity!

Deacon Blue in their song “Dignity” talk about quietly sailing a boat up the west coast of Scotland watching others “doing the rounds.” It’s a strange human quirk that in order to relax we like to know that others are busy. We sure are cruel sometimes. But please relax away and enjoy the horror and mess that my characters’ lives become. I’ll not tell anyone you’re being cruel!

If you haven’t tried an Austerley and Kirkgordon adventure yet then let Footsteps tempt you. Or you can find out more about the series and what’s coming next on my A&K page.

I’d love to know what sort of book you like to read to relax. Why not share your relaxing reads with us in a comment?

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What is it With Covers?

When you go hunting for a book, do you judge a book by its cover? And if so, in what way. I’m a self-publisher and so covers are important to me as they are the first line of attack in amongst a mass of books of reaching my audience. But I have a dilemma. Is the cover I like, the cover I want and which I think best suits my book, the cover that will draw the audience?

In short, no!

If there is a cover that is unusual, wacky or just downright weird, I’ll probably pick a book up and read the synopsis. The natural assumption in my mind is that everyone else will do the same. The trouble is that I always assume I am normal. Well in taste, though my wife happily points out quite often(too often!) that I am not normal in most things. The grapefruit yoghurt with mushrooms incident is a common example she quotes. Alas some people do not like adventure! (By the way my son keeps pointing at the cover above and saying “Mum-ma”. He has many people fooled.)

And so it would seem with books. Readers seem to want a book to have a cover that is similar to something they liked or know is already popular. Thrillers these days tend to have someone in shadow on the front, especially thrillers about gunmen or agents. Others go for the title in large lettering and some sort of fast motion behind it. And then there’s romance which has varying levels of couples in arms, fully dressed but big loving smiles for the gentle romance and naked but very carefully positioned bodies for the erotic tales.

I get what is going on but in honesty I feel very sad about it. Not that it will stop me following suit. To not do so as a newbie author would be story suicide. So expect my upcoming novels to reflect the genre. It’s all marketing these days alas.

I once bought a book by Clive James based on the cover called “Cultural Amnesia”. Simple but intriguing, I sought out what was inside. It remains to this day one of my favourite books. And yet I doubt I would have ever have read it if someone had simply said to me it was a collection of short essays about people of our time. I owe a debt to that artist.

And isn’t this a life lesson. Sometimes we need to go with the flow for good and solid reasons. But you know what, we don’t have to like it.